i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
