Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
