They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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