4 words: hood of his car
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
