I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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