i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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