yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
