haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
