shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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