i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
