Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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