you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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