i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
