Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
