Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize