Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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