i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
