we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you win again, gameday.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
