blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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