bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize