So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
