NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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