So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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