my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
