he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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