Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
