i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
