How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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