Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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