Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
