You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
