im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize