So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
