He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize