Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
