I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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