somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
