I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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