guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
as a side note pls kill me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
