Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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