sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
