i need an iv and a liver transplant
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
only if we run a train.
done.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize