shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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