at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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