Already got asked if we're dating
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hippo gnu deer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
