i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
