Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
