you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
