While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
