No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize