I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize