I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize