I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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