Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize