Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
