apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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