Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
