I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
