I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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