I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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