So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize