Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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