The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
