I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They have beer where we have blood.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
