It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize