Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize