it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize