The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
