she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
