Don't you send me to vm
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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