she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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